trust me, i get the fear. I know the hopelessness of feeling like you'll be alone forever, and that you'll never find "the one".
I know how frustrating it can be to go on tons of dates but to always be let down. To feel depressed and constantly wonder, "Is something wrong with me?"
I've so been there. I also know that it's possible to be unbelievably happy AND have everything you've ever wanted in a relationship. (SERIOUSLY!)
A few years ago, after I graduated from college, I thought I was living the dream. I was a college grad, at the top of my company, and was finally(!) living with my boyfriend of five years. After some ups and downs throughout college, I just knew that moving in together would solve our problems and take our rocky relationship to the next level. I wanted to be married and have a family in the next few years, so I was obviously eager to transition out of “college-relationship” to “real life, romantic, grown-up relationship”.
But after a few months and no changes (though, trust me, I was DESPERATELY trying!), I had a terrible realization. What I wanted out of a relationship wasn’t in line with the relationship I had. And the man I was dating didn’t even possess some of the important qualities I wanted in a lifelong partner. I was trying to force him (and our relationship) to be something else…I was trying to change something that wasn’t possible to change. This relationship was easy, comfortable, convenient…but was also unhealthy. And when I was honest with myself, I could see that I was being mistreated and underappreciated.
AT THAT MOMENT, I KNEW I WAS MEANT FOR SOMETHING BETTER. I WANTED THE RELATIONSHIP I DREAMT ABOUT. I WANTED THE DREAM MAN. I WANTED THE FAIRYTALE ENDING. AND I KNEW WHAT I HAD WAS NOT IT.
I also knew that I had no clue how to make any of those things happen (or even how to take the first step!) but I made a choice.
I DECIDED TO BE BRAVE.
Even though I was terrified and had no idea what I would do next, I ended my relationship, packed up my things and moved out – into a multi-cat, rickety old house with four girls - clearly a great environment for meeting a dream guy.
I was scared, lonely, and on my own for the first time in what felt like FOREVER, but I mark that moment as the day my whole life changed course – and as the moment that began the incredible, jaw-dropping life I have today.
I'M NOT GOING TO LIE. ALTHOUGH IT HAS ITS PERKS, SINGLE LIFE IS ROUGH.
The next few years were hard. (Let’s be honest, sometimes being single downright sucked.) I was lonely and desperately wanted to find Mr. Right but had no idea where he was. I was sick of trying to meet guys at crowded bars and going on mediocre dates. I was sick of being the third wheel.
I FREQUENTLY QUESTIONED IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME, AND STARTED TO WONDER IF THERE WAS EVER GOING TO BE ANYTHING BETTER FOR ME OUT THERE.
One day, I listed out all of the qualities I wanted in a man (literally), and realized that this "ideal" man really had his life together. Not to mention, he was tall, dark, and super handsome...and he had a bad boy look but was actually a caring romantic. Oh, and he was assertive and stands up for himself but treats me like a princess. Sheesh. Things seemed a little bleak, but I had an epiphany.
IF I WANTED A DREAM GUY WITH ALL OF THE QUALITIES I WAS LOOKING FOR - THAT HAD THEIR LIFE TOGETHER - AND WAS READY AND LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP, THEN I NEEDED TO HAVE MY LIFE TOGETHER, TOO!
Of course! I couldn't expect Mr. Perfect to magically rescue me and solve all of my problems when I hated my job, was broke, and had no clue who I was or what I wanted to do in life.
The big question was...
HOW DO I GET FROM WHERE I AM NOW - TO A CONFIDENT, IRRESISTIBLE WOMAN THAT ATTRACTS QUALITY, RELATIONSHIP-READY MEN AND ALSO HAVE MY LIFE TOGETHER?!?
It took me three years, tons of research, coaching, counseling, dating (lots of dating…), and self-help books (not to mention plenty of ‘trial and error’ experiences), but I finally figured it out. I was on the top of my game. My life was amazing. I was happy and I LOVED myself! I was truly irresistible.
(Psst…it doesn’t have to take YOU three years. This is called Irresistible in 90 Days for a reason…)
I stopped attracting the “players/cheaters/guys not ready for a commitment”, and started attracting relationship-ready MEN. You know, the men you want to bring home for the holidays and flaunt to all your friends. “No I’m sorry, he actually doesn’t have any single brothers...”
I WAS CONFIDENT, AND FINALLY KNEW HOW TO KEEP THE RIGHT MAN AROUND (AND DISMISS THE REST!).
Needless to say, I was a changed woman. And I can honestly tell you – when I decided to invest in MYSELF, when I decided to actually put ME first for once – that was the moment everything shifted.
By investing in myself, I learned how to be confident and authentic in who I truly was. I was finally able to live the life I wanted and attract the men I wanted to date (and marry!). I knew what I wanted and needed in a relationship and knew what I didn't want and what I definitely did NOT need.
Fast forward to now – I’ve just had the best, MOST EPIC year of my life.
I married my dream man on a Riviera Mayan rooftop overlooking the ocean, surrounding by 46 of my family members and closest friends. I had my dream fairytale wedding, complete with a ball gown princess dress (hell if I care that we were sweating in Mexico!), and the most amazing wedding week EVER (yes, I also made my wedding into a week-long event). Matt and I had an incredibly romantic honeymoon traveling on a luxury cruise liner throughout Europe, and ate and laughed our way through eleven different countries together.
We’ve had multiple parties thrown for us and our marriage, and couldn’t be more blessed to be surrounded by our family, friends, and love. We have a beautiful four bedroom townhome, we're both working our dream jobs (remotely!), and spend tons of time together laughing, cooking, and binge watching Netflix. The loving relationship we have is way better than anything I could've imagined, and to top it off – I absolutely LOVE my life.
Oh and remember that “dream man list” I made? Matt checks off every single box. Plus way, WAY more.
That incredible happiness and deep love is what I want for you, too. And it IS possible…
So ask yourself, what do you really desire? What does your ideal life and epic love story look like, and how much is it costing you in pain, loneliness, and in years gone by to continue on with this status quo?
How great would it be if you could stop wondering when it'll be your turn for love, and start marveling at the amazing, confident, man-magnet you are – and KNOW the relationship you’ve dreamt about is on its way? (If you don’t already have it, of course!)